I’ve found recently that it is hard to let go of that feeling that only I can do everything. And it is tiring to be in the place of useless spinning. Particularly when it is useless.
For example, I have taken very little advantage of my mom’s group’s monthly Mom’s Night Out events. I’ve dithered and worried, instead, saying that I didn’t want to put the burden of putting two mini-ions to bed on my husband, who himself has had a long day. And by the time they are both asleep, dear husband and I are usually (and embarrassingly) collapsed in our bed ourselves. I could rarely imagine getting up and going out at that time of night. Which is ridiculous because in the “before” days, I would be just getting ready to go out.
However this season of Lent has really pushed me out of a couple comfort zones. In addition to giving up soda, which is going super well (not one drop, not even on Sundays!), I’ve been attending my church’s series of discussions on Forgiveness. It starts at 6:30 with soup and general, “how ya doin?” and in depth discussion from 7-8:30. Then I stick around a little longer to get a head start on setting up for the next day’s playgroup. Which is the entire evening as far as we’re concerned, because dear husband gets home at 6:30 and we put the mini-ions to bed at 8.
The first time I went I was nervous getting home. And dear husband sat me down and said, “it’s fine”. All this time I had been trying to protect him, unnecessarily. All this time I had been trying to not unload some of the burden. Did I think he couldn’t handle it? No, I guess I didn’t want him to have to handle it. But in trying to protect him, I was standing in between this chance for him to deepen his relationship with the mini-ions.
This past Tuesday, he got home a little early so I even left the house a little early. When I got home, both mini-ions were serenely sleeping (although there were food wrappers everywhere :)) and dear husband was contentedly in bed watching his shows. I tentatively asked how it went, “it’s fine”. Because all the things in the remaining two hours that might have riled me up after hours of trying to be patient and connect with the mini-ions during their times of strife, were brand new to dear husband for that day. This was his fun part of the day.